Horrendous Reality of Canadian Immigration - Take III

Dear prospective highly skilled immigrant,

In Canada our immigration policy is based on a business-capitalist framework. It is formed in terms of economic benefits to this corporation…oops, we mean state. We currently have openings in the second-tier. We are aware that you are a cardiologist and we do have openings at that level but we prefer to give this opportunity to the Canadian-born as opposed to you, the immigrant. Besides haven’t you always dreamed of flipping a burger or to be driving a taxi through rush hour traffic? Canadians cant be expected to drive or cook for themselves. We need immigrants for such prestigious jobs.

Since we are providing you with this great opportunity, we need you to fulfill the following criteria when employed in your position:

- try not to speak with an accent; it makes Canadian customers uncomfortable

- do not complain about long hours and low wages; after all you should be grateful to be here

- do not be vocal about any ideas that you may have which contradict the dominant social paradigm; we are only interested in your exotic food, music and sometimes clothing (please make note: we do not like turbans or hijabs; they make Canadians uncomfortable)

So though we were not able to make much use of your medical expertise, your employment in the second-tier will surely be of benefit to your offspring (which we need to keep our population from declining because we as Canadians do not wish to have as many offspring because our first-tier jobs require our precious time). Please note that the benefits to your offspring may differ in their extent depending on what your country of origin is; offspring of European immigrants can expect higher benefits than those of non-European immigrants.

So don’t delay, apply today for the opportunity of our lifetime…oops, your lifetime…maybe your offspring’s lifetime…maybe your offspring’s offspring’s lifetime.

Sincerely,

The Corporation of Canada…oops
The Government of Canada

Horrendous Reality of Canadian Immigration - Take II

Dear Prospective, Skilled but Highly Undervalued Immigrant

Thank you for showing interest in our country. We are honored that you have recognized how great and welcoming we are. Due to our rapidly aging population and low replacement rate, our current social structure cannot be sustained. Thus, at this time we are actively pursuing immigrants toaugment our tax base.

If you wish to bring your family to the land of opportunity, we would like to advise you at this time that there are a multitude of qualified individuals who wish to make our country their home. Unfortunately, the majority of candidates are unable to enter their profession of choice upon entering our Canadian society. That being said, we are more than happy to offer you admission into our country with the acceptance that you will work happily in our second-tier occupations. We guarantee that some of these jobs will provide you with a minimum-wage salary and we encourage you to take advantage of the plethora of second-tier jobs available, perhaps concurrently in order to atleast surpass the low-income cut-off line.

Being the accommodating country we are, we are willing to wave the second-tier occupational condition and corresponding standard of living provided that you have received a professional education from an internationally recognized, elite university.

Although renown for our multiculturism, in order for your children to reach their highest potential in Canada, we strong encourage that upon entry to the public education system they adapt and embrace the mainstream expectations of our Canadian culture and allow their distinct culture and accents to blossom only in the nurturing environment of the private sphere.

We thank you for your application this time, and are happy to accept you into our beautiful country. Take pride in the fact that you are now planting a seed that perhaps may blossom in generations to come. We hope that you understand that the fruits of your labour (or foreign educational degrees) may not fully be realized immediately, expect that 50 years down the road the generations to follow may perhaps attain the standard of living that you so hoped to attain upon your entry to Canada. Good things come to those who wait and on that note, we wish you all the best in attaining the Canadian dream.

Love, Canada

Horrendous Reality of Canadian Immigration

Dear Member of the Developing World,

If you have the credentials to be a professional or a skilled labourer, we would like to invite you to apply to immigrate to our fine nation. We cannot guarantee that your found employment will reflect the aforementioned credentials. In fact, we CAN guarantee that your employment will put your education to shame.

No matter, what really matters to us, is the education of your children. In fact, you should be proud at the thought of contributing to the Canadian economy through the intonation of your sweet child`s voice as they say: `Would you like fries with that?” Lest you fear that immigration is not all it’s billed as, there’s always YOUR ability to get a job. Right? Right.

What we can guarantee is a spot with an illustrious chauffer agency, Sedexo, or au pair job. Likely, all of these jobs will put you in close contact with over-educated, under-qualified university students, who will have access to the primary job market. You will not. That should not deter you from applying, as Canadians seem not to want to reproduce themselves. Thus, we are vehemently pursuing a policy of misrepresenting Canadian life, so as to increase immigration. If you would like to be a part of this fairy tale, please apply below.

Sincerely,
The Ministry of Lies and Propaganda
Under the Government of Stephen I-Enslave-Your-First-Born Harper

P.S. Those with high hopes for a better life, education for their children, and an improvement of any kind…need not apply.
P.P.S. Don’t even THINK about getting sick.